is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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