the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We had to coat check the pizza.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They took my balls.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
