Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
