don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
