I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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