im drinking this country out of the recession.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
