I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
