can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
