The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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