5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
