He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
