I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
