At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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