My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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