The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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