Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
