Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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