I bet he comes in French.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
