There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
zippers are such a cool invention
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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