Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
