the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
