I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize