For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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