i may or may not be watching the land before time
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
