I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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