Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
