I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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