we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
