I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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