Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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