so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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