I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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