apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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