okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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