Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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