Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
