we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
