If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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