I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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