Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize