Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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