The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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