This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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