I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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