Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
