You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
