All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
