I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You made out with two different species that night
I think my moral compass just broke
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
