i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
