Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
zippers are such a cool invention
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
