she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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