I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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