Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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