don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
