I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
