"it" just moved
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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