You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
