Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
