i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
