Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
