Your mouth is God's brothel.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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