the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
