Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
