the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
