dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
