Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
